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We want our kids to learn and pursue excellence. The line between excellence (what we’ll label as normal) and perfectionism and OCD is not easy to describe. In his book Hope for the Perfectionist, Dr. David A. Shoop offers a great comparison. Take a look:

EXCELLENCEVERSUSPERFECTIONISM
realistic
“What is…”
OUTLOOKidealistic
“What should be …”
could … I wish …
I choose
SELF-TALKshould
shouldn’t
desire
options
TONE OF VOICEdemand
no choice
striving for (+)
reach success
MOTIVATIONavoiding the (-)
avoid failure
processFOCUS ONproduct
outcome … only
accomplishment
acceptance
fulfillment
success
RESULTSdisappointment
condemnation
frustration
failure
realityLIVE INfantasy
Dr. David A. Shoop, Hope for the Perfectionist (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers), 59.

Probably the easiest thing to notice first is the self-talk. Listen for should and shouldn’t statements and thinking patterns. That’ll be your first clue of perfectionism and/or OCD thinking. Warning: The should and shouldn’t thinking so often sound correct and right. In either case, when you hear should and shouldn’t statements, look deeper.

Lesson Complete!